by Blag Dahlia
About the Book
Blag Dahlia, of the infamous Dwarves, has written this truly twisted tale of a young girl coming of age with no apologies.
Nina is the story of an object of desire who gives as good as she gets, spanning the USA in search of cheap thrills and black lipstick. This disturbing comedy is guaranteed to entertain and outrage with each turn of the page.
About the Author
Blag Dahlia is a rock legend and author of “Armed to the Teeth With Lipstick”. He lives in San Francisco where he doesn’t do a goddamn thing.
“As frontman for San Francisco shock punks The Dwarves, Blag Dahlia showcased his perverted brand of humor on such classic albums as Blood, Guts & Pussy and Thank Heaven for Little Girls. For his second novel, he’s channeled it into the story of Nina West, who seduces the babysitter, molests a dying deli robber, and finally loses her jaded cool in a kitchen throwdown with a Jehova’s Witness. Needless to say, Nina is never boring. In fact, you’ll want to keep this one under your mattress, not in your bookcase.”
-Jason Buhrmester, Revolver Magazine
The weird and wonderful life of a young tyrant will leave you gobsmaked, a little sick in the stomach but overwhelmingly intrigued and reading right until the end.
Nina West is plain strange. I didn’t really know what to expect with this novel, the press release called it a “twisted, surreal, coming-of-age story” but I just don’t think they highlighted the ‘twisted’ angle quite enough. With Blag Dahlia as the author, I wasn’t quite expecting a cosy Judy Blume story but neither was I prepared for Nina West’s outright disregard for everything and anyone, as I sat on the train, admired the front page art work and opened the first page.
The first couple of pages are fairly tame compared to what comes next. When I read that Nina (what Vicky Pollard would be like with the looks) gets sexual favours from the children she is babysitting, I had to re-read, just to make sure…..
But oh no, I was not mistaken. Once Nina West’s parent pop their clogs in a sudden accident, nothing holds back this girl who has a gigantic chip on her shoulder.
Getting a pilot sacked for having sex with a minor while the speakers are on for all to hear, pleasuring herself in front of a teacher….OK you get the idea, this girl wreaks havoc on her travels to spend her inheritance from her hometown to California…and the end would be enough to shock anyone, but strangely not so, after the previous chapters offerings.
This book is also available in an audio CD version. If you fancy listening to it, don’t do so in a car, for fear of crashing or while napping, for fear of the craziest dreams ever.
I kid you not, Nina is one messed up teen, but the book is compelling.
Scapegoat publishing are “working along the fringes, producing dark and aggressive books” and if that is the case, they were spot on with this book.
Not for the faint-hearted but definitely something for the intrigued….
– By RACHEL OWEN for Subba Cultcha
Love him or hate him, Blag Dahlia is back. The leader of the Dwarves has returned to the realm of published writing with “Nina: a novel” and its complementary CD, “Nina …And Other Delights.” With “Nina,” Dahlia is in top form as he does what he does best – entertain.
The novel “Nina” is a far cry from those romance novel’s of your mother’s generation with a greased up Fabio gracing the cover. Not his first foray into writing, the novel is like the pulp fiction that, like classics such as William S. Burrough’s “Junky,” were sold in drug stores and five and dimes some years ago. Dahlia writes in an easy and casual style about the devious exploits of the book’s title character gothic Lolita. Peppered with one-liners and pop culture references, sex and violence mingle as the newly orphaned fifteen year old racks up sexual conquests (including but not limited to the paperboy, a teacher, an airplane pilot, and a judge) and has fun at the expense of others. Entertaining throughout, “Nina” is unexpected as the plot continually twists and a book easy to pick up as each of the chapters is like a separate vignette that continues her adventures.
For those fans of the Dwarves who have been listening forever, “Nina” offers another look at Blag Dahlia. While he might have made a career as a snotty punk rocker that will do and say just about anything, he brings the same enthusiasm to other endeavors – doing just about anything and everything by way of “Nina.”
Something Like Sympathy
Highland Oaks was the kind of town that people worked their entire lives to afford, only to realize how truly hateful it was once their children had escaped and they themselves retired to somewhere, anywhere that was warm. Neighbors were to be envied, feared or despised as circumstances dictated. Zoning laws required that every carefully planned tree exuded just enough oxygen to sustain the drama that played itself out behind every carefully planned home. Despite the best intentions of the town’s founders though, there was always a little dirt behind the daydream.
Nina could not understand why she, a babysitter herself, needed someone to look after her while her parents vacationed. It was beyond insulting, it was a travesty. They had insisted that a week was too long for her to fend for herself and that her old sitter Larry had been kind enough to volunteer his services.
Nina liked to keep contact with other humans to an absolute minimum, and that went double for Lawrence David West. Larry was the type of person who gave tediousness a bad name. Conversations with him tended to fall of their own weight in mid-sentence. He was painfully shy, a repository of earaches, acne, asthma, and every other malady that the under-twenty set was prone to.
With her mouth set in a militant scowl Nina grunted goodbye to her parents and acknowledged the unbearable presence of Larry. He apologized, coughed, blew his nose, banged his elbow on the sofa and headed for the bathroom. Several seconds later a great clattering crash that sounded like a sound effect from an old radio show brought Nina to the scene.
“I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t see the toilet there,” said Larry.
Nina reconsidered her prohibition on laughing. After all it was at someone else’s expense. Also, the sight of Larry, his head doused in water from the commode and a plunger tangled in between his scabby legs was enough to bring Mt. Rushmore down in a fit of hearty, boulder shaking guffaws.
“Larry, you’re hopeless.”
In that instant she saw her sitter for who he was, an idiot, and she knew that she would sleep with him and that he would enjoy it more than any single event in his whole wretched existence. She felt a power more staggering than any she had ever known, better even than the adjustable nozzle on the faucet of her bathtub.
She pulled Larry to his feet and kissed him until he drooled. Undaunted, she pulled him out into the hallway and took his shirt off. His hands tried vainly to cover his flabby chest, whose total lack of musculature gave him what could best be described as small, pubescent breasts. Nina now knew how he had acquired the nickname Eggnog and why, for Larry, gym class was much like a medieval torture.
For Nina these man-melons were a revelation. She ran her fingers over them and nibbled with a growing fascination. Deflowering a hopeless nerd was accomplishment enough, but getting a pair of tits into the bargain? It was more than she had dared hope for. Larry’s breathing had quieted to an asthmatic wheeze as he succumbed to Nina’s desires with only the occasional whimper to signal his continued participation in the event.
Despite the Good Book’s distaste for it, Larry had attempted self-gratification several times in the last few years, but had always stopped short when he found that the more excited he became the harder his nose ran. Nina instinctively straddled him, allowing his facial fluids to drip freely onto the carpet. His presence of mind had returned enough to realize for the first time that he was engaged in something that might charitably be called sex. When that fact began to sink in he became paralyzed with fear.
The surprisingly robust erection that he had been sporting began to falter, and with it his hopes that he would lose his virginity. A lifetime of shyness and ineptitude began to flood his penis with a deep sense of foreboding. Nina knew that she had to work fast or risk destroying what remained of both Larry’s self-esteem and his flimsy joystick. She began to suck at him and although his fear was still palpable, basic biology began to win out as he felt his withered mojo return.
“This is nice,” thought Larry.
Nina regretted having started the whole process, but once engaged her sense of humor wouldn’t allow her to stop. To pass the time she fantasized about Larry as a modern day Christ nailed helplessly to a tree as she, a Roman noblewoman, sucked at his undeserving genitals. Just by orgasming he consigned himself to the fires of Hell for all Eternity. It didn’t take him very long.
When the act was through Larry lay there prone in the hallway for almost an hour. His mind wandered over a life that could best be described as pathetic; the specters of team sports, school dances, spelling bees, field trips and interminable lunchtimes bringing back a flood of unpleasant memories. Now though, he was redeemed. He rose to his feet, walked to the kitchen and looked his paramour squarely in the eye as she ate from a bowl of popcorn liberally doused in butter and salt. With more conviction than he had ever mustered he said:
“Nina, I love you.”
Nina looked at Larry and laughed out loud.